


bleeding edge | orihara izaya

by nihilisten



Series: my reader inserts [10]
Category: Durarara!!
Genre: F/M, Psychopathology & Sociopathy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-29
Updated: 2019-05-18
Packaged: 2020-02-09 22:48:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,826
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18647674
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nihilisten/pseuds/nihilisten
Summary: You couldn’t love humans.If anything, you despised them.[orihara izaya/reader]





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not sure how many chapters it will have. My guess is two.

How…?

How could this happen?

“Welcome. How can I help you?”

Though you came here on your own accord, suddenly, you found yourself unable to move. Your limbs were like made of stone. Even your lungs had trouble absorbing air.

You were suffocating.

What was… this feeling?

“Oh my, you seem pretty—frozen.”

The man opposite you smiled, the smile never reaching his eyes. He looked almost as if he could read your mind to the very core of your soul. It was a loathsome sight.

_I love you. I love you. I love you._

You stared into the dark pools of his eyes, unaware that you were staring into your own demise.

 

♪

 

You couldn’t love humans.

If anything, you despised them.

 

Since you could remember, you’d always felt detached from society.

No close connections, no relationships. Obviously, no friends or enemies. At home you simply avoided your family as much as possible. At school you never interacted with anyone, only standing by and observing. But all you ever observed made you reach the same conclusion over and over again.

Humans were boring. Predictable. Disgusting.

Obviously, the idea of ‘love’ towards any of them seemed absurd to you. Neither did you ever have the need to feel it.

You simply continued your detached life, life spent observing all the boring people around you.

 

But one day—something happened.

It didn’t really affect your life much. If anything, it only ensured you that humans weren’t worth anything but your hate.

One day, you obtained a cursed blade—‘Saika’.

Saika was a katana who loved people. As if that wasn’t bizarre enough, you definitely hadn’t expected other versions of her to exist, and other people to wield them.

You were aware of the blade’s presence in the city of Ikebukuro from the Slasher incidents that had been increasing since not long ago. Since they weren’t connected to you in any way, you couldn’t help getting worried.

Except for yours, there was at least another individual blade present in the city; moreover, each of them could create ‘children’ – smaller blades dependent on their individual ‘parent’.

You never did, though. You only had seen someone else’s ‘children’ up close as you wandered around at night.

They were passionate, so passionate unlike anything you ever did or felt.

But they also disturbed you.

_I love you. I love you. I love you._

Cursed voices echoed in the streets.

The ‘mother’ of the blades that were the Slasher was hidden, not responsible for wreaking havoc. You knew she was there, somewhere. She didn’t know, however, that another blade existed.

Nobody did.

Not even you, until you obtained it.

Because—your Saika was different.

_I hate you. I hate you. I hate you._

Instead of loving people, she hated them.

Which was precisely what made you both get along so well, you thought.

 

♪

 

So why? How could this happen?

The moment you entered a certain apartment in Shinjuku, Saika stopped singing her hateful song.

_I love you. I love you. I love you._

—What on Earth is going on…?

The only thought that appeared in your otherwise completely blank mind was ridiculously simple. However, you just couldn’t comprehend the current situation.

The facts were: that evening you went to the apartment of an informant in Shinjuku, currently standing at his doorstep. He was sitting by the desk, head resting on his palm, smirking in a way that made you want to punch him. No words were spoken except for his earlier greeting.

_I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you—_

Saika’s voice in your mind was getting louder and louder, making you dizzy, as if your head was about to explode.

The most dreadful thing was that she wasn’t using the word ‘hate’ like she always did.

Instead, she sang about ‘love’.

You took a deep breath.

“Uhm…” clearing your throat to snap yourself back to reality, you spoke, stiffness stuck in your throat. “I-it’s a pleasure to meet you, Orihara Izaya.”

The man’s wicked smile widened ever so slightly, as if he had noticed your forced politeness right away. You felt like throwing up or fainting, or both. The cursed singing in your head didn’t help.

It was the first time your Saika decided to love someone.

Under normal circumstances, you’d be at least somewhat embarrassed to face a stranger and get love for him shoved in your face. However, the man opposite you made you feel repulsed the very moment you saw him. Had it not been for the information you needed, you’d never willingly spend a second next to him.

So why did Saika choose this man of all people?

The answer wasn’t to your knowledge.

”I assume you’re here to buy information?” Orihara Izaya spoke up, his velvet voice caressing your ears and mind with its disgustingly smooth ring. “Have a seat, please.”

Confused from the voices in your head, you forced yourself to look as normal as possible as you sat down on the sofa opposite Orihara’s desk. He was smiling, a smile polite but devoid of any feelings, like a mask. Suddenly you weren’t so sure to buy any information from him.

“Hm,” you cleared your throat again, voice ready to betray you every second now. “I’ve heard that you know much about weird things happening in Ikebukuro. There’s something I’d like to gain knowledge about.”

“I’m all ears,” he nodded, his face stoic like a painting.

You took a deep breath before blurting out:

“I want everything you know about Saika.”

“Oh?” Orihara blinked, his lips forming the tiniest smile of surprise. You must have taken him aback, but he hid it well, controlling every muscle of his face. “Saika? The cursed blade?”

“Precisely.”

You met his gaze without looking away, despite nausea in your stomach at the mere sight of him. His smile froze when your eyes landed on his. Perhaps he’s seen something he _shouldn’t have_.

Oh my, you might be forced to kill him after you’re done.

“Hmm, that’s such an unusual request,” Orihara turned his side to you to find something on his computer. He was trying his best to look unfazed, almost carefree – but you knew better. “I’m surprised you even know the name ‘Saika’.”

“It’s a big thing in the city, everyone knows it,” you shrugged, not even bothering to sound convincing. Orihara didn’t seem to care anyway.

“Not everyone comes to buy info on that, though,” he hums, picking a chess piece from a board on his desk, and threw it in the air. It fell down straight into his hand, despite him not even looking that way. “Why do you want to know?”

“Are you selling information or interrogating your clients?” you narrowed your eyes in suspicion, aware that every false move could cost your life. Visiting this person was, obviously, very risky, so you had to make him answer your questions, not answer his. However, he was very smart. You wouldn’t have it easy with him. “I want to know who the original Saika is.”

“Ooh,” for the first time Orihara made an expression of having his interest caught. His lips formed a smirk as he glanced at you. “You know this much. Interesting.”

You withstood his gaze, not caring about keeping your façade anymore. He knew you weren’t here out of curiosity. You knew he had the information you needed. Why bother with petty pretence?

“Oh, well,” he let out a dry chuckle. “If you pay, I might as well tell you what you want to know. _She’s_ a nobody, anyway.”

You frowned. “She?”

“You’d be surprised, because she’s just a highschooler! But… hey, didn’t you just graduate two years ago yourself? Are you even of age?”

_What._

Moreso than your body, your mind froze upon realisation.

Orihara Izaya had inspected you—he had _known_ about you all along.

You dug your nails in your palms so hard that it must have left marks. Orihara was smiling – it wasn’t the polite smile anymore. His eyes, gleaming with a dangerous spark, seemed to pierce through you as if trying to rip your soul apart.

This disgusting creature.

Why did Saika have to choose _him_?

“I see.”

You slowly relaxed the muscles of your hand, not taking your eyes off Orihara’s standing posture. Suddenly you could understand why all of the other Saikas cut people they loved.

Maybe—just maybe—those cursed voices would die down if you cut Orihara Izaya.

No, it wasn’t that. You didn’t care for Saika’s twisted love, nor did you care for what could happen to you. You even stopped caring for the information you came all the way here for.

You simply wanted him _dead_.

“Too bad. We could have saved some time.”

The next second, you jumped forward.

A metallic sound, accompanied by a silver gleam, resounded in the room. Your eyes widened; it wasn’t the sound that swords make in contact with human body. Looking down, you saw a knife in Orihara’s hand, blocking the katana that stuck out from your palm. Despite the life-threatening situation, he was grinning the widest you had seen.

It was making you so, so sick and furious, you just wanted to cut him and watch him bleed, watch this damn grin fade away along with life seeping out of his veins—

“ _I was right_.”

A single triumphant sentence, hissed out like he was a snake. There was no fear in him, only triumph. Even as your glowing red eyes reflected in his own, he remained unfazed. No words could describe how much you _hated_ him in that moment.

But Saika disagreed, screaming her love song inside your head.

_—I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you—_

“Shut up!!” you shouted, swinging the katana right back at Orihara.

Swiftly, he shielded himself with the knife and jumped backwards so that you couldn’t reach him. He was sly; a butterfly knife was no match for Saika, at least not in a fair duel. But you knew he wouldn’t play fair.

“Oh my, this never fails to amaze me,” he laughed, almost ridiculing you. “A cursed blade, wanting to steal away _my_ humans. Hilarious.”

“Your humans?” you snarled, fists tightening around Saika. Orihara was making no sense.

“I’m the only one allowed to love them. And that’s why I’ll control every single one of you, _demons_.”

—Oh.

Suddenly, it hit you. Of course, how could you not notice something so simple?

A smirk crept up on your face.

“Love? Don’t you know…?” you teased. “Oh, you don’t, do you? What a pity…”

“Hm?” Orihara’s eyes narrowed in alert, ready to fight you.

“Pathetic. And you claim to be the best informant in this city? You don’t know that there is a Saika who hates humans, and that it’s right here before you?!”

You absolutely adored the surprised look on that appeared on his face. Orihara tightened his grip on the knife, but it still looked like he was shattered by the new information.

“Oh my god, your expression right now is absolutely delightful. I could hang it on the wall in my room, next to your dead body.”

“…So that’s why you wanted information,” he spat out, glaring daggers at you. “That’s why you were never involved in the Slasher incidents. You monster.”

“You should have sold me the info when I was being nice, you know. I might have let you make it out alive,” smiling at what was an obvious lie, you raised the katana towards Orihara’s throat.

He, however, didn’t even flinch; only laughed like a madman he probably was. The knife in his hand gleamed.

“Try me, L/N Y/N. Try me and we’ll see which one of us remains alive.”

“As if!” it was your turn to let out a laugh. Your eyes shone red in the dim room like twin lanterns. “I don’t care if I die. But if so, I want to make sure you die with me.”

With a twisted smile on his lips, Orihara raised the knife, accepting the challenge.

As you two kept staring at each other, like predators waiting for a moment to attack, Saika’s voice still resounded clear and loud in your head.

_—I love you, I love you, I love—_


	2. Chapter 2

You tried to avoid Izaya at all cost since that day.

However, Saika did not share your thoughts, her cursed voice singing every time he was nearby (meaning approximately a hundred kilometre radius). So in reality, you kept hearing his name all the time.

— _I love Izaya. I love Izaya. I love Izaya. Izaya. Izayaizayaizaya_ —

It got on your nerves, being forced to constantly think of the man you wanted dead. What you hated even more is how you were reminded of the day you met him.

That day, you couldn’t kill him.

The two of you crossed blades without much passion. It was like a strength test, a way to evaluate each other’s skills. Or at least, that’s what you wanted it to look like.

You were truly ready to kill Izaya at any second.

But… you didn’t. You _couldn’t_.

Despite your desperate tries, Saika—she just rejected your actions, not letting you cut Izaya.

It frustrated you.

It _scared_ you.

‘ _Try me and we’ll see which one of us remains alive_.’

No, you weren’t scared of dying. You didn’t care. But now it had become some kind of final objective. an obsession of yours – to see Izaya die, to make sure you don’t leave this Earth before he does.

And now that you realised you couldn’t use Saika to kill him, it was in your best interest to keep Izaya from knowing it.

 

♪

 

Idly wandering around the night city of Ikebukuro, you roamed alleys and streets with no reason other than killing time, and to distract yourself from the voices in your head.

Dark, desolated passages brought comfort. Even though the Slasher incidents were still fresh in your memory, you knew they weren’t worth your attention.

Not anymore.

In the end, Izaya never told you the identity of the ‘mother’, only saying that she was a highschooler. But even if he had told you, you couldn’t care anymore. Not when a more important task awaited you.

As you were walking, at some point you realised that Saika had become louder despite the city being completely devoid of people.

“…?”

You looked around in confusion. Not noticing anything suspicious, you were about to resume walking, but then it caught your eye.

At the rooftop of a building, there was a man.

Izaya.

He was leaning on the balustrade, resembling a god watching over the world he created. You flinched slightly, disgusted by the sight.

Though he was so high up, you swore you could see him smirk.

—This disgusting person…

Sighing deeply, you approached the seemingly abandoned building.

 

Once you climbed the stairs and reached the rooftop, Izaya was already anticipating you. The usual smirk present on his face, he greeted you almost as if your presence was something very delightful.

“Hello, Y/N! I had a feeling you’d join me.”

You only shot him a glare as you walked up to the balustrade. Izaya looked pretty disappointed at your lack of response.

“Why are you so sullen? It’s such a joyful occasion.”

“What’s so joyful about it?” you shrugged, leaning next to him. He was pretty close, maybe you’d be able to push him…? Nah, too complicated and no fun.

Izaya then sprang forward, arms extended, and pirouetted before you. His otherwise handsome features formed an expression of sheer fun.

“The gods decided to cross our paths here, in this moment,” he smirked, piercing you with the gaze of his steel eyes. “Say, Y/N, _don’t you feel blessed?_ ”

You shivered, but maybe it was just the cold wind.

On this empty roof, in Izaya’s empty eyes, you could only see the reflection of your own pitiful existence, accompanied by the cursed love song dedicated to this hideous man. It was making you dizzy… so dizzy you would surely fall if the balustrade wasn’t supporting you.

This might be your only chance to put an end to this.

_Ah, but—she won’t let me._

No, you wouldn’t let her stop you. It was now – or never.

“…You know, I actually do. I do feel blessed,” you replied, voice devoid of any notable sound. It left no trace in the night air, like it was sucked in. “Because now, you can’t escape.”

Jump; you were by Izaya’s side with an inhuman speed, Saika’s blade clashing with a knife he managed to pull out. The glow of your red eyes reflected on the metal surface.

Izaya didn’t flinch, except raising the corners of his lips.

“How nice. I was about to say the same thing.”

You angrily stepped back, swinging the katana as if in warning. Would he come at you if you stopped attacking? It was a fight to the death, no backing down.

Your lips curled upwards.

 _No, I’ll get him first_.

Swing by swing, you leaped at Izaya with deadly passion. He had little room to dodge, so the knife was his only choice. You almost admired how skilfully he blocked your attacks.

To a third party, it might have looked like the two of you were dancing; blood-soaked waltz of death, set alight by a pair of red eyes.

It would soon be over, and transform into a funeral march.

“Too bad you’re not on my side, Y/N,” Izaya managed to gasp in between swings of his knife. “You could be so useful.”

“Hah,” you had to laugh. “Not in this life.”

“I don’t believe in the afterlife.”

“Neither do I.”

It was Izaya’s turn to let out a chuckle before pushing back another swing of your Saika.

“Though if there is one, I’d rather go to heaven.”

“Too bad,” you bared your teeth in a triumphant smile.

Your body moved on instinct; this is why you attacked Izaya’s opening before your mind even registered it.

His surprised expression lasted a mere second, yet it was enough to send sparks of pleasure to your nerves.

_So exciting._

“…You’re going to hell instead, Orihara Izaya.”

In the next second, Izaya was sprawled down on the concrete, pinned by the heel of your shoe, Saika’s blade pointing at his throat.

“…”

Your fierce gaze met his, just for a short while.

His eyes were completely empty.

 “Well, well. Do I die here now?”

_Yes. Yes. Yes._

But nothing happened.

— _You monstrous human! Wanting to kill my loved one! I cannot let you! No! No! No!_ —

Your hand trembled—not of hesitation, but to keep Saika where she did not want to be. Frustration and anger in your heart weren’t enough to swing the katana, to hurt Izaya, to make him bleed.

And by now, he must have realised it as well.

“I… can’t.”

As Saika backed away from his throat, Izaya’s smile froze. You stepped off him and lowered the katana. Even then he didn’t dare to move, carefully watching your actions instead.

“I can’t kill you—or rather, she doesn’t want me to.”

“What do you mean,” Izaya asked curtly as he got up, expression ice cold. “I thought this monster wants to cut humans.”

“How the hell am I supposed to know?” with that shout, your calm façade was shattered. Now that you were so close and yet so far, it was futile to even try to keep your emotions in control. “This isn’t a regular Saika. She was supposed to love humans, to cut them. I’ve never felt the need to cut anyone and yet—now that I do—“

 _No. Don’t finish this sentence_.

You were afraid that saying it would make it reality.

Except it was already real.

“…She gets in my way to protect the only person she loves.”

Silence fell for a short while. Just a few seconds—only to be broken by Izaya’s laughing voice.

He laughed, laughed and laughed like a lunatic; you watched him with terror on your hair-covered face. That was it. He knew your weakness, your vulnerability.

Not Saika’s love. It was him.

His laughter slowly died down, its echo ringing throughout the city. It felt like the reverberation was playing a requiem for you.

Once he calmed down, Izaya looked you deep in the eye.

Then stepped forward.

“I see.”

A shiver went down your spine.

 “Don’t move,” you warned, non-dominant hand wrapping around a dagger in your sleeve. You wouldn’t back down just yet. With or without Saika, you promised yourself not to die before Izaya does. “You can’t be foolish enough to think this is the only way I can kill you.”

“Go on then! Try me, Y/N!” Izaya yelled with sheer ecstasy, extending his arms.

You gritted your teeth.

_This is the last trial._

Then readied for an attack—

Before you could even move a finger, something pulled your Saika-wielding hand forward.

“…Gh?!”

The blade pierced the flesh with a soft sound. Blood gushed out of the fatal wound as the body slowly fell to its knees.

It wasn’t Izaya’s. It was yours.

Burning pain bloomed in your chest as you grabbed it with your hands, almost as if to tear out the fire. Wet grunts that couldn’t even form a proper scream left your mouth, along with a streamlet of blood. Then you sank down to the ground.

Saika fell out of your hand. Coughing, you tried to reach her, but every single part of your body was getting limp. Despite the difficulty to keep your eyes open, you used the last ounce of strength to look up at Izaya.

His face resembled a mask of cold fascination.

_Ah, so I failed._

The thought felt just a little bit disappointing.

But also astonishing.

To think that Saika would give up on a host she needed so much just to protect her precious human… Maybe she wasn’t such a monster anyway.

— _I love Izaya, Izaya, Izaya…_ —

Realising that the voice in your head was fading away, you let your eyelids close.

 

♪

 

Watching out for your blood, Izaya stepped over your body and kneeled next to Saika.

From the outside, it looked just like a regular katana, nothing standing out about it. But he knew it was a cursed blade that led to destruction of his precious humans.

A living—well, not anymore—example was right before him. But had things been different, he would be lying there instead of you.

His hand absentmindedly reached out to grasp Saika—but then it stopped.

“…”

As much as he’d love to control a blade that opposed him, he felt disgusted to even touch it.

And now, he would never be able to control this exhibit.

Izaya got up. He left without looking back.


End file.
